Doubts

Like on most decisions I make in my life, I'm starting to have doubts.

I'm starting to have doubts about whether my decision to stay in Japan for another year was a right one. In these last few days, I witnessed and experienced some of the most frustrating moments all piled into a short period of time. I got sick (again), had some more frustrating lessons and felt like my role as an "assistant language teacher" will never change.

One of the teachers I teach with has been one of the main source of my recent frustration. I used to believe that she was a very orderly person. Last academic year, on many occasions, she told me that class was canceled (for me only) when she wanted to give the students a test or when she decided that the class would involve grammatical explanation in Japanese. I always had this idea that she had her entire plan laid out and no one would be able to affect it. In a way, while I didn't think those were adequate reasons for her to limit my interactions with the students, I sort of respected her neat and orderly ways. The times that I did get to go to class, they were very well structured with activities moving seamlessly from one to the next. The students, although always looking a little bit less than stimulated, always did the assignments and did them well. They were very well disciplined.

My opinion of her completely changed this year. Maybe it's because she has a lot more added responsibilities or perhaps she was never really the way I pictured her. This year, she is the 3rd grade sub-chief as opposed to a homeroom teacher. Even though I sit next to her, I could never really get a 5 minutes' worth of productive lesson planning conversation with her.

Every time I ask her what she would like me to plan, usually it ends up being a 15 second conversation that goes like this. "Please prepare an 15 minute activity for the grammar point on p. 12." After I spend my time preparing the activity and the lesson plan, I place it on her desk. When I get to class, I realize that she hasn't even glanced at what I gave her. One time, in the middle of class, she realized that she hadn't explained the grammar point to the students yet, so she told me that doing the activity I had spent some time preparing after my work hours for was "impossible."

In the middle of the class, she thrusted the stack of tests the students had just finished and said, "Louise, please go to the staffroom and correct these while I explain the grammar point in Japanese to the students." So, I had to walk out in the middle of the class which students staring at me questioningly while she gave no explanations to why I was leaving so abruptly! Ahhh...makes me mad just thinking about it.

Yesterday, at the end of second period, she says, "Louise, are you free for 4th period? If so, I would like you to come 4th period. Can you plan for activities for the entire 50-minute period because I haven't planned anything yet."

Can you believe that? Man, I'm not a magician. I don't just pull English activities out of my rear end at a moment's notice. But as expected , I went to class and produced mediocre results. I feel like the discipline she used on these same students last year also melted away. When students were talking incessantly, she just chose not to care.

I feel like when I teach with her now, it's like teaching with that same teacher that told me I was weird and that I was confusing the students last year. It's like another person added into that club of let's-watch-her-sink-and-not-help kind of situation.

Maybe it's just me, expecting too much. Perhaps, it's super frustrating for her to teach with me too. I don't know. I just feel like a mentor in the professional sense will come in really handy right about now.

Sports

The idea of sports here is a little bit different from what I'm used to.

Yesterday, our school had an Intramural Sports Competition. Instead of the usual ball-oriented activities like basketball, baseball, and volleyball, we had a series of huge-group-activities throughout the day. All 350 students had to participate.

All of the sports consisted of different classes within one grade level competing against another. For example, one group of 30 kids will be doing tug of war against another group of 30 while chanting things like their homeroom teacher's first name (Ma-sa-shi), their homeroom teacher's nickname ("biton"=beautiful pig), or "me-ta-bo", which I think means metabolism.

Another activity was the 40 person jump rope. The entire class would jump in unison as the two taller students of the class kept the rope going. It's really an amazing sight.

Perhaps that's where Japanese people get their group-oriented thinking. No matter how fast or slow someone is, you can't quite excuse yourself from the competition. You're a part of something much bigger than yourself.

I'm currently watching TV and the program that's on is yet another thing I've never seen before. Different junior high schools around the country send their students to this football-like stadium. And in this stadium, they do a 100 meter sprint...in a line of 30 students together!! Crazy, I tell ya.

Clothes make the woman

As shallow as this may seem, I really miss my clothes. Hehehe, I know that I have not mentioned that I missed any specific person in this blog (although I do miss y'all)...but the truth is, I really miss my clothes.

I miss my closet with overflowing shelves. I miss the varieties in style and the colors. I also miss being able to not do laundry for a month and still have fresh changes of clothing.

The thing that sucks here is that I'm larger than most Japanese women. I can find things that fit if I try, but I have to go to extra lengths to get that. Being what I consider to be the supreme bargain hunter that I am, I just don't find anything that I like or want that badly. Perhaps that's a good thing, but sometimes I walk into work feeling like crap because I think that I look like crap.

Most women here dress in the same category. The typical outfit consist of an a-line skirt, a frilly top and a trench coat topped off with high heels that make many women walk funny. More often than not, the Japanese dress in very neutral colors.

I'm bored and I'm tired of the stores here that overcharge for cheaply made goods. I wanna go home and snuggle in my mountain of clothing. Hehehe...

Just like every other place

My four day weekend would have been perfect had there not been a pervert on the bus.
Ok, let me backtrack a little.

This past weekend, we had a 4-day weekend as a part of Golden Week in Japan where a string of holidays happen to be in the same time period. Most Japanese take this opportunity to travel to other places and most English language teachers take the opportunity to go to India with Habitat for Humanity to build a house. I, on the other hand, could not afford such a luxury in time nor money, so I stayed here in my city.

I spent most days just relaxing and enjoying the long overdue nice weather. On the last day of vacation, I decided to take the bus to beach because I missed the ocean so much.

I embarked on this journey alone Tuesday morning and took the bus to the beach. Shortly after getting on, I heard an absurdly loud snore coming from the back of the bus. It was a man, perhaps in his late 40s, sprawled across a seat and sleeping heavily. The three girls standing by the back door of the bus giggled in disbelief. A few stops later, this man got up and made his way to the exit.

When he was making his way to the front door, he purposely brushed his elbow by one of the girls' chest. Then, his elbow pressed further and lingered there for a couple of seconds. I was looking at the whole scene, but I couldn't believe my eyes.

Then, a shout from an old man came from the back. I thought it was someone reprimanding him for what he has done, but the old man was simply trying to tell the pervert that he had left his bag of instant noodles at the seat in which he was sitting. The pervert thanked the old man, made his way to the back and as he walked back towards the girls, he did it again!!!

He hovered around the girls for a couple of seconds before actually exiting. The girls were bothered, and they exchanged glances to acknowledge what had just happened to them.

I watched in disbelief and was dumbfounded at the same time. I really wanted to jump up, take my flip flop off my feet and whacked that guy's ass and tell him off all at the same time....but I did nothing. It was only after he got off that my angry glare followed him across the street. Hopefully, it burned a hole in the back of his head.

For the rest of the 50 minute bus ride, I was boiling inside. I was angry that assholes like that guy existed in the first place, but I was also really irked that I didn't stand up to people like him.

I kept looking at those girls and I thought, "Man, these could've have easily been the students at my school."

I couldn't help feeling sorry because so many women in this world are harassed that way. If I had gotten my wits and courage together, would it have stopped the guy from further acts? Would it perhaps have affected the girls even more because what was done to them would have turned into a public confrontation?

I also thought about how many other people on the bus who may have witnessed the incident like me. Sigh...this is depressing.

Being a thief

Long time no see everyone! =)
Please allow me to explain my month-long hiatus from my blogging. Well, the reason behind it is because I haven't been able to get my internet to work at home. It keeps disconnecting on me.

Every so often, I would complain to my friends here and they'll tell me to stop because the truth is, I'm still stealing internet access from my neighbor and not paying a single dime (nor yen).

Anyway, things have been going smoothly here. No ups and downs, just life.